I'm still not sure why we're messing with natural selection
There's nothing more ageist than age-restricted communities.
Over 55? Here's a tree-lined, gated neighborhood where you can golf and play bridge and sit around the pool in your swim trunks with other sagging, in-denial, past-middle-age individuals. Under 55? Stay the hell away. We don't serve your type 'round these parts.
I'm edging my way to 30. I work a 9-to-5. I live in a nice, brick house in personality-deprived suburbia -- soccer moms with SUVs, gas grills in backyards.And children. Lots and lots of children. Children playing basketball. Children riding bicycles. Children playing basketball while riding bicycles. Oblivious children. Children with death wishes who run in front of cars.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the stupid child cross the road in front of my car? I. Have. No. Idea. It's not like one side of the street is more alluring than the other, like the houses on one side are constructed solely of candy while houses on the other side are all brussels sprouts and broccoli.
Maybe the answers are on this site. Among the "tips":
- Children have difficulty determining where a sound is coming from. Traffic noises and sirens may confuse them.
- Children often mix fantasy with reality. They may give themselves superhuman powers and do not understand that a moving vehicle can hurt them.
So kids, listen to Ms. Kate: Play your video games. Surf the internet. Text message your friends. ... But whatever you do, do it indoors.
The person who came up with the idea of 55-plus communities is a genius -- a genius I'll get to meet in 27 years when the gates open wide and I'm allowed into the inner sanctum of child-free utopia.
I can't wait.
posted by Kate at 10:36 PM
Copyright 2001-2009, L.K.C.S. It's MINE, all MINE. If you wanna use it, gimme credit and a link, okies? And don't run with scissors, because you're just going to poke somebody's eye out with that thing. No, really. 
4 Comments:
:Old Man Voice:
MEDDLING KIDS!!!!
:old Man Voice:
Seriously - i seem to remember being told a lot to never assume cars are going to stop.
Stupid kids. Stupid Parents.
Personality Deprived Suburbs indeed. Smart deprived too.
HA! I agree! Our neighborhood has "speed humps" and circles every other block now (installed at taxpayers' expense) in an effort to "control traffic speed." And no one knows how to drive around circles! Half the people see the circle and run the stop sign driving around them, and the other half stop when they don't have a stop sign because they have no idea who has right-of-way!
If the kids stayed out of the street, it wouldn't be an issue. One woman posted on the neighborhood listserv (yes, our neighborhood has a listserv, sigh) that she wanted the alley (a small service road between neighborhoods) closed off so her children can safely play in it! She knew the road was there when she bought the house next to it, and she completely eliminated her backyard by building a gigantic deck that takes up the entire yard, and now her children have nowhere to play except the street. Oh, unless you remember that there is a park with a playground and a basketball court three blocks away! Another "concerned mother" responded that we need to keep "the safety of the children" in mind. So too bad if a firetruck needs to use that road?
I read it every couple of weeks to keep up with what the neighbors are doing (calling for people to plant more trees in their yards; organizing an Easter children's parade; etc.) but I've never posted on it. I don't trust myself not to say something offensive.
Viva la Smash Brothers!
We're very lucky to live where we live i.e., in the middle of nowhere. Kids can play with reckless abandon without fear of cars or annoying adults.
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