It's like singing to your steering wheel, except you're graded on it

Paul can't carry a tune to save his life. For real. He sounds kind of like ... an elephant giving birth to a really big elephant baby.

I've known for a long time that Paul can't sing. You don't have to hang out with him for long to figure out it. Toss on some good Metallica, a la the black album, and he butchers the vocals into bad Metallica, a la St. Anger. That's pretty bad.

So when Johanna suggested bringing over three Karaoke Revolution games Saturday, I had two reactions:

1. Well, crap. I have to listen to Paul sing.
   
2. At least we're not going to a real karaoke bar.

Now, Johanna has a theory when it comes to karaoke: Everyone has their song. You know ... the one that just fits, the one that showcases their vocal awesomeness. I don't know the validity of her argument; Axl Rose never found his song, but he sold millions of records in spite of it.

Johanna's song is Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf," which, incidentally, has some really messed-up lyrics. "Smell like I sound"? What the hell? It's one of those songs where I never really thought about the lyrics until they were splashed on the screen. "Strut on a line/It's discord and rhyme"? Whatever. Keep your wolf to yourself.

My song? Maybe Paul can weigh in on that. I can tell you it's definitely not R.E.M.'s "It's the End of the World as We Know It," which I sang something like this: "Feed it up a knock, speed, grunt, uh uh uh uh uh ... uh uh ... uh uh uh (ooh ooh, get ready, here it comes!) It's the end of the world as we knooooow it, it's the end of the world as we knooooow it, it's the end of the world as we knooooow it, and I feel fiiiiine." (This screenshot is me butchering R.E.M.)

Paul's song is ... get ready ... Pat Benetar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." He actually sang it. And he did a decent job, as far as his singing goes. And he danced. He really got into it, and he was completely sober.

Fire away, indeed.