Gettin' NOSty

Two weeks without caffeine. Well, without measurable caffeine. My two coffee outings were both for decafs. (Have I ever mentioned my sig drink? It's a venti, decaf, nonfat, sugar-free vanilla, extra extra dry cappuccino ... extra dry. Basically three shots of espresso and a cup full o' milk foam.)

So ... no caffeine for two weeks. Then, last night, I'm in Arkansas taking pictures of where the Mississippi River is flooding the levee, and I decide that I want a six-pack of Fat Tire more than anything in the world. Fat Tire, for the uninitiated, is an amber ale by New Belgium Brewing that's pretty darn good ... and completely unavailable in Memphis. My office is pretty much on the edge of the Memphis/Arkansas bridge, and it's not uncommon for coworkers to pop over to West Memphis to pick up some Fat Tire (or other New Belgium beer).

Yes, I'm aware it's illegal interstate commerce to carry beer across state lines.

Anyway, I'm driving through Arkansas and say to myself (and Paul): "Hey Self! And Paul! Why not track down some Fat Tire?" I head to the nearest grocery store and, alas, they don't carry Fat Tire. Or they've sold out. They were out of a lot of tasty beverages, probably because the Tigers play in the Elite Eight today.

But the trip wasn't a total loss: As I was dejectedly walking toward the exit, I spotted four-packs of NOS energy drink. NOS! Right there on the shelf! The first time I tried NOS -- okay, the only time I tried NOS -- was on the way home from picking Matt up in Evansville. I traded the cherry tomatoes from my mini veggie tray for part of his bottle of NOS. I hate tomatoes. But I loved NOS ...

... which means, naturally, it's not available in Tennessee. Or at least in most of Tennesssee. Apparently, it's sold at 7-Elevens, but there aren't any in the western two-thirds of the state. In fact, I have no idea where 7-Elevens are anywhere in the state, but if I knew, I'd so totally drive there to buy a Slurpee.

So, last night, I bought two four-packs of NOS.

Did I mention I haven't had caffeine in a couple of weeks?

This is one incredible kick. It has a crapload of calories (which is why NOS, like cookies, is a sometimes food) and more caffeine and all those other energy drink goodies (ginseng, taurine, whatever-ine) than you can shake a stick at. This nice can has 250 fantastic milligrams of caffeine, which is like seven-plus cans of Coke. Or three-and-a-half cans of Vault. Or two-plus venti cappuccinos.

It cuts through the Ambien haze like an (insert relevant simile here).

And, with that, folks, I'm off for a while. Yah!