A letter from Paul's computer

Dear Paul --

This is your computer speaking. You know, Paul, we've gone through so many great times together. Remember how you used me to surf the Internet late into the night when you couldn't sleep? Or the long hours we spent playing video games while you were in college? I even remember a time when you'd skip class to spend more time with me. Oh, those were the days!

What has happened to our relationship? It's like you take your darling computer for granted these days. You never upgrade me anymore, never lovingly poke around my innards like you used to do.

A couple of months ago, I realized I had to get your attention. I had to remind you of the love we once shared. I thought you'd start to take better care of me when you noticed the leaky capacitors on my motherboard. It was a cry for help! But you just RMAed the motherboard and stuck it back in me without so much as a loving pat on my power switch.

So I tried a little harder. First, I blew out my CD burner last month. And when that didn't get your attention, I killed my 80 gig hard drive last week. It was self-mutilation, for god's sake, but instead of seeing how much I needed you, you just became angry.

You kept pushing me to process faster and perform better. Yesterday, I'd had the final straw -- I was going to make you notice, even if it killed me. So I borked my 40 gig and 60 gig hard drives. I was desperate! I figured you'd be upset about possibly losing your media collection ... but I never realized you'd be so livid about jeopardizing your doctorate research. Who knew?

I love you, Paul, but I'm warning you: If you ignore me, you face a fate worse than a thousand BSODs. Don't forsake me any longer.

Sincerely,
Your computer

P.S. Could you also please put the sides back on my case? I feel naked, and it's humiliating.